I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
