No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
