hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
