he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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