Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
