you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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