Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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