I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
