Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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