remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
