I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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