I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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