How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i will never coherently bang her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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