you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
