that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
