he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
