I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
