I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
