Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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