Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
