Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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