you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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