The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
