dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
