i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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