how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
