Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
