Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
