Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
