is your mom at the bar?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
