Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
