I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
