Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Acid is not a monday night drug
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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