Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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