I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
