Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
