Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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