why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
