I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
