oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
