Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
