I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
