butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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