My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
