I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
