I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
