I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize