Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
