That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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