omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
