he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
