Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
