Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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